Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry FUCKING SISTER!!! October 20, 2003 ~ 6:37 PM Yeah so I wrote a whole lot earlier. I was on a roll. Such thoughts!!! Such rawness!!! Such ideas and concepts that I haven't touched before!!! Complete with convos and such with all the necessary HTML. And then I made the mistake of letting my sister use the computer. She needed it "to do homework" which wasn't true but so long as my mom believed that, Jen gets the computer... Anyway I guess Jen did something to freeze the page and it's lost and gone forever now. SHIT. What a PAIN. I can't wait to move out. Earlier included was a short convo with Noah, quoted text messages and all sorts of stuff that's GONE NOW cuz I delete the messages if I type them down on here.... so ANYWAY. I was basically saying stuff about my own resolve... Noah being an addiction. Matt being a drug also. Love being something... bad in itself. Things that love cause. I'm too upset now to actually delve into this shit. I'll prolly write about it some other time. It won't be the same, though... Just because I was in the moment earlier and I'm not longer in the moment. I'm not even taking any time to do the simplest HTML. Oy fucking VEY. I'm in a better mood though now after talkign to some friends and shit. Friends are good. I don't think, of the four people I'm talking to, any of them are legal. Kids have always been able to cheer me up. And Matt might come down to visit so yay. And I can miss Noah all I fucking want so long as I don't go crawling back to him. That's just not good. No. Won't do that. Some things were disturbing me... what I was writing about earlier... but I don't really care anymore and anyway the thought's gone. I know I said yesterday that I would get over Matt or die trying. But I don't fucking want to. Who am I kidding? I should know myself better by now. When I'm in love with someone there just isn't anything anyone can fucking do. I'm just gonna be in love with him and I'm just gonna wanna spend the rest of my life with him and I'm just gonna let it happen. I can't deny my love for Matt. I'm losing my love for Noah. I'm losing my hope for happily ever after. Matt's forever away. Noah's a piece of shit. Me... I'm here... with my parents... FUCKED in general. Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .