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starz n stuff
November 30, 2002 ~ 12:55 AM
Due to the fact that people have been reading my diary, twisting my words, and using my own thoughts against me, my diary will now be locked. If you do wish to read it, please tell me and we will get you a user name and a password. =) I'll have it locked when I think everyone who wants to read it has gotten usernames and passwords. Only giving you guys a few days, though.
Last night was fun. I spent it with Billy. He's such a sweetheart. He's looking for a girlfriend though... I don't know how I should feel about that... I'm kinda looking for a boyfriend and stuff. But I told myself that I wouldn't settle for anything less than perfect for myself this time. Which means not only does the guy have to have a wonderful personality he's got to have the right physical attributes also. Especially long hair. I love long hair. That's really mean and kinda really unfair to Billy... but I've "settled" too many times. And the relationships never worked out or I wasn't truly happy. Billy kinda does the "slam, bam, thank you ma'm" thing. I'm such a cuddle whore. It makes me so sad that we have sex and then he's like okay I gotta go now. I mean, he really does have to go, I'm sure, but it still makes me feel so used and abandoned... I couldn't take that if he were my boyfriend. He's such a sweetheart though. Real nice boy. =) I woke up at 7 something this morning. Me and Matt were gonna go shopping but I guess he changed his mind and stuff. So I could have slept in!!! Grrr... Lol. Yeah. I tried to sleep but ppl kept on calling me. So I gave up and just got up. Lol. Then Steve came over. We kinda chatted. I took my peanut butter and my Wheat Thins and just sat in front of my door talking to him. He's cool. I like him. He's having troubles with his friends kinda... I feel bad. I'm glad to be a friend of his though. He's cool. Then we went to see if Brad's window was closed and if anyone had robbed him. Brad was home already so we just talked to him. We were outside and Brad was just hanging out the window. Then Brad invited us in. Steve left eventually. Brad was doing something on his computer and I was lying on his bed. He said something... I don't remember what. I think he cursed. But yeah, I threw his blanket over him. So he attacked me, blanket and all. Lol. Like, smothering me. Then we were kissing. There is some definite chemistry between me and Brad. All we did was kiss though. Then I left. Came back here. Blah blah blah. Subprofile.com still won't let me into my profile. I think it got deleted or something. Sucks, huh? Mary or Britton prolly did it. Or someone else who's mean and sucks. I spent hella time on that subprofile. No worries. I can make another one no problem. Peter came back. He came to see me. He got a little upset about my being with Billy. But yeah... he got over it I guess. It's just something that he needs to get used to. I adore him, but there are other people in my life. If I wanted anything exclusive I'd have asked him to be my boyfriend. Meh. I think he's understanding. Or maybe he just can't resist me! Lol. He told me that. Silly boy. He gave me colorful lights. They are really pretty. But I still miss my rainbow lights with two colors on each bulb you know? So colorful. I like my new lights too. Peter tells me that today is our 7-day anniversary. Lol. He's so adorable. Awww. Yeah he was talking to people online again on my screen names. Some guy from San Jose messaged me and he just totally starts talking to him. Brian is the guy Peter was talking to. It was so funny cuz I guess Brian thought Peter was me the whole time or something. He wants to meet me. I get to know people online really well before I actually meet them in person so I told him no. I think he's sad about it. Lol. He's a nice guy though. He reads my diary and stuff. I wonder if he realizes that when I lock it on the 1st he won't be able to read it anymore? Lol. I got to talk to Jason Berry today. That boy is so absolutely beautiful. I luv him. He's just such a sweetie. I can't believe he was so mean to me for that one week my junior year. He's a honey though. I've only kissed him once. That one time in the alley behind Longs. I will never forget that. Cuz me and him had so much chemistry there that it was electric, but we never really did anything about it until a year later. So that kiss was so awesome. He's cute. I did his yahoo profile for him today. He's a honey. And there's Jaeson from Florida. He's awesome. He's all excited about my trip out there in two weeks. I am too. I odn't like flying but I know it'll be hella exciting. Good times. He's all worried about me though. Aww. That boy is so sweet. I can't wait to meet him. He's all like concerned. Poor thing. And he's worried about what to feed me when I get there. Lol. Cute. Yeah. I'm still hanging out with Peter right now. He's on my bed reading his Biology. Earlier we went to the field near the track on campus and star gazed. I saw 3 shooting stars. It's so gorgeous here. There are so many stars at night. Takes my breath away. Peter is a real nice person; I think I drive him crazy. He really doesn't know what to do with me but he did promise not to fall for me. Hmm... Yeah. That may or may not be the case. Noah came back today. I love him a lot. Just the way that he is. Lol. I don't even know why. He's really doofy actually. Really very doofy. He didn't cut his hair but he didn't shave his beard either. Oh well. I'll live. I still adore the guy. He came up to say hello and goodnight and stuff. He's cute. Well yeah. I have been eating all day. It's cuz I'm trying so hard to be "happy" and cheerful... when really I'm still so upset about everything... I hate it when I eat a lot when I'm upset. But it is better than my next level of depression where I stop eating and sleeping. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna do all of my Chemistry tomorrow I don't care who invites me to do what, when or where. I'm gonna get that Chem done. I'm planning on passing Chemistry 1A thank you very much. Well I guess I'm going to bed right now. Maybe I'll have someone to spend the night with me tonight. I love falling asleep and waking up next to someone. Just makes me feel safe and content. It's a beautiful thing. Almost as lovely as kissing. Not quite. It's nice though. To fall asleep in someone's arms. It's what I love the most about sex. Cuddling with the person after. Awww... ::sigh:: G'Nite.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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