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PeteParke: you two deserve each other
December 04, 2002 ~ 7:44 PM
I am so in love with my boyfriend. He's beautiful. I tried getting him and Jaeson to get along but I don't know if it did anything at all. Jaeson just thought that Noah was hella immature. Cuz Jaeson was trying to be serious while Noah was just messing with his head. ::sigh:: I love both of them so much. It's painful to have to defend one to the other... Stephanie is actually on Jaeson's side. She totally doesn't think I should stay here just cuz Noah wants me to stay here. Jaeson did go through a lot of trouble for me. And I really did wanna meet him. But when push comes to shove, I'll always put my boyfriend before anyone and anything else. Jaeson was horrified that I chose Noah over him after only knowing him for just 2 weeks. I feel so bad. Cuz I do love Jaeson so much. He's one of my bestest friends ever. Grrr. You know what? I'm not even gonna think about this anymore. Because no matter which way I look at it, I'll always choose Noah cuz he's my boyfriend and I'm in love with him and I want to be with him as much as possible. I was reading his diary (by the way, did I mention that Noah, Brad, Peter, and Stephanie all started diaries on Diaryland cuz of mine? Hehe.) earlier; he's upset.
"I am the controlling boyfriend. uhhg. what happened to vowing against that ? I'm sure that dude has been a great friend. actually, im not sure... its sad that we try to harness change so much. I know I do. change is scary. so is your girlfriend going to florida to see a guy she intially wanted to have mad sex with and heavily planned on such events (and looked forward too) he did too."- Noah's diary
I don't think he's controlling really. He does make sense. I hope I'm not causing him too much additional stress. I really do love him. And I want to be a good girlfriend (like I always do) to him. He's a good person and he's just worried about me. He wants to protect me and look out for me. Jaeson wants me to be happy. I am. He knows this. He just hopes that Noah won't turn out like all the other guys who supposedly loved me. And left me. And broke my heart... Jaeson's just looking out for me too. I'll fall to pieces if I get hurt again. After the whole Mary epidemic... I don't think I could take much more emotional pain. Yeah... I went to my car and got my Exacto-knife out. Noah tried to take it from me. Hmmm.. yeah. I hope he forgave me for taking it back. I need it. For different things. Plus I promised that I won't hurt myself during this winter break. Hey we're going to Mammoth. It's so pretty there. Me and Noah and Peter and Chris Werner and maybe Lauren and Colin. It'll be so fun. I'm staying with Noah all break I guess. I won't be living with Abel... Noah's gonna take me down south for Xmas I think... he wants to meet my parents. Whoa. Lol. I hope they don't hurt him. Gross... They better like him. Cuz I'm gonna stay with him for a long long time. Even though he is young. Yeah, I stole a $20 magazine for Colin tonight. He's thrilled. We're still talking about fixing up my car. Yay. Coolbeans, huh? Mhmm... Well, I think I'm gonna go get drunk now. Maybe. Then I'm gonna take a shower. Then SLEEP. Blessid sleep. Oh. Ew. I'm sleeping alone tonight. Dammit. Nightmares. Maybe if I take some Valium... Gross, Noah doesn't want me to do any drugs. Ack. What to do? I'll ask sexy Andrew for sleeping pills.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
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