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Mhmm... sure... right... yeah...
December 09, 2002 ~ 11:08 PM
I went and saw my new psychiatrist today. I now remember why I hate psychiatrists. (Note my diary's title. lol.) And why I wanna be one. Cuz I wanna be a better one. Lol. Ew. I take 30 mg of Prozac a day now. Bleh. He couldn't tell that something was wrong with me cuz I'm so happy. Lol. He must have just thought I was in there for fun or something. Yeah, the past few days have been heaven. If there were such thing, heaven would be Noah Dekkers. I'm so in love with him. I'm a little upset though... I guess when he was dating Jen, he didn't tell anyone that he wasn't in love with her anymore. He just kept up with some charade and now as he tells people that he broke up with her they are freaking out. And he's not telling his friends about me cuz there's the chance that they may tell Jen. Etc. One of his friends today advised Noah to marry Jen today. Cuz Noah and Jen have such a strong love that although they break up a lot they always get back together. And it never ends. So why wouldn't Jen expect that this time? Why does Noah think that if she is clueless about his moving on that it will prompt her to move on? If I were in her place, and I thought that Noah was still single, I would still harbor hope of being reunited with the man I love... it's happened so many times. Grrr. I don't see his logic. So I don't share mine. I wrote yesterday and the stupid thing erased wut I wrote. Stuff. It sucked. So yeah. Me and Noah went to San Francisco yesterday. It was totally awesome. We went over the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge. So beautiful. We went to Coit Tower and there was this totally awesome bathroom that cleans itself and stuff... We saw Jack Kerouac St. And went to the Fisherman's Wharf and Ghiradelli Square. It was really fun being there and seeing the lights of the city and just being with Noah and stuff... Then, while we were coming back, he got a call from his mother. She told him his cousin Jen was pregnant and he thought that she meant his ex Jen. He's like freaking out and stuff until he realizes that his mom was talking about someone else. He told me later that it scared me cuz if Jen was pregnant he would have to marry her. That just upset me a little. Another thing is that his mother doesn't like me I don't think. Like she doesn't even want to meet me. So yeah... It sucks. And kinda hurts to find out that Noah didn't tell anyone that his feelings for Jen were fading. His mom emailed him later on and did this whole thing about how he can move on so quickly to someone he had told everyone is just a friend... Cuz he told everyone I was just a friend. His mom was like what about Jen? And worried about hurting Jen and stuff. She doesn't want to meet me at all. And I'm sure there are a lot of other things that she told Noah that he won't tell me. It just sucks. If I'm gonna be in a relationship with Noah, I need to stop worrying about these things. But I can't. I mean, one of his best friends is telling him he should marry Jen and his own mother disapproves of this relationship... I hope these factors don't effect our relationship... I love him so much. He's never promised not to leave me... but I can't help but selfishly hope that he won't; that he'll stay with me forever. I'm not really sure what is going on right now. I have trouble telling him my thoughts on the issues that are upsetting me... I just don't want to worry him you know? I don't want to be a burden to him. He can't take me to Mammoth cuz his dad and he can't take me to San Diego cuz his mom. So we need a place to put me and stuff. Ew. I hate being so... iono. Nevermind. I need to fix my car. It won't start and stuff. I'm worried about it and stuff. Lol. Damn Melvin. I still don't even have the registration or the pink slip and stuff. I need that!!! Grrr. I lost his number and he's not calling me. This totally sucks. And stuff!!! Grr. It sucks that I hafta leave Noah for a week while he's in Mammoth. I hope I don't miss him too much. Yeah. We have sex more than he'd like... so I think I'm gonna chill out fer a little while and stuff, you know? Not have sex as frequently. I think it's freaking him out. Lol. I don't need to have sex all the time. I just really really like to. And having a boyfriend and living with him and being in love is such a dream come true. =) I'm gonna go to www.emode.com to take some of the newer tests.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....