Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry Last Night... May 28, 2002 ~ 1:47 PM Last night was interesting. I'm not sure whether or not I mentioned it, but me and Matt aren't friends anymore. We aren't talking, online or over the phone. Out of no where, he calls me last night. Tells me to go outside. The guy came down to Glendora all the way from Long Beach... to give me Apple Cinnamin NutriGrain bars and a hug. Turns out he was worried about me because of all the drama with Adam*. He came all the way down here to give me a hug and to check up on me. That is really sweet. He kissed me too. I was all confused and I was trying to explain to him my feelings and tumultuous emotions. And he just kissed me. Of course I don't want anything but friendship from him. That's all I've ever wanted from him. It's all I'm willing to have with him. I don't know why he just can't understand that. That only happend in movies right? LOL. I really don't know. My dad walked out and I had to leave. I called him that night and told him that I'm still not gonna go out with him. He decided once again that we are no longer friends and that he isn't going to talk to me anymore. That guy is driving me crazy. I wanna be friends with him. But I do understand the pain of having to be with someone you can never have. I went through that with Richard Lopez for three years. However, I actually stuck around. I figured if he would never love me, at least I could be with him and near him and love him... while just being his friend. It hurt like hell. And I cried every night. And I cried when he found a girlfriend and I knew the whole time that she would never love him a third of how much I loved him. I still was friends with him. I was with him onhis terms. And I supported him in everything. It hurt me so much. Everytime I was with him and his girlfriend, I toughed it out. But once I left, I cried my heart out. I'm really not a very strong person. But I did survive that. I even tried to get them back together when she broke his heart. Because it would have made him happy... even though it hurt me so much. I've already learned, however, that there are not many people like me. So I don't blame him. And I guess I will just have to live without his friendship. I still have a million other friends who love me. On my terms. *If you want to read about the drama with Adam, you can start here and read the nexxt two entries also... Last Entry - Next Entry - Newest Entry ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ �MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES� August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again... July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards* July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean.... .