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Viva Revolucion
July 26, 2004 ~ 1:36 AM
Last night and today were very VERY interesting. Too bad I really don't wanna talk about it. Here's a real half-assed version.
I had more faith in Matt than I should have had. He won't see me, won't talk to me, won't acknowledge my existence. 
But I know damned well he thinks about me.
Scott is fucking awesome.
Gangs Of New York was WAY better than I thought it wud be.
Matt's co-worker Fidel is really nice... gave me a ride home.
Aaron Thrall... I thought he was chill... he's not. Kid's a bastard.
Rough... he's being a bastard again, too. He lectured me about self respect cuz Matt treats me like shit. And then... stays friends with Matt... and treats me like shit right alongside Matt. Second round. He's done it before. Boys will be boys. At least, I don't make friends with assholes. Without trying to do something to help them become NOT as asshole. Instead of... becoming an asshole myself. That's gotta have something to do with self respect too but I'm too sleep deprived to care. {edited 07.26.04 - I was wrong about Rough. I think he's still my friend. He tells me to break up with Matt. I'm not sure if Matt broke up with me that night. But I'm not gonna break up with him. Though I no longer have any faith in Matt, I still love him. I'm gonna sit and do jack shit and see wut Matt pulls this time. But like I told Rough earlier, there is NO fucking way I'm taking Matt back unless he comes to me with fuckin... roses and chocolate... and apologizes sincerely and begs me to take him back. I mean... it doesn't hafta be begging begging down on his knees... but like please or pretty please take me back. {Well... maybe just ONE knee... =P} I shud say no jus to spite him. But if he really does beg, I'll say yes. Lol. If Matt wants me back, he's gonna hafta work real fucking hard. Cuz I'm not his kitty anymore. I'm ... me. Without my faith in love, Matt, or my parents to define me. Anywho I owe an apology to Rough. Though I don't think breaking up is solving the problem {it's ignoring the problem}, Rough does seem to care. And that means a lot to me.}
Andrew... what would I do without that boy? #1 Reason why he's awesome: he exists.
Food, water, and sleep: ALL over-rated. 
44 year old black men on bikes: creepy and OMG I can't believe that dude hit on me.
Is there anyone from Watsonville who's NOT Mexican?
I was downtown for 30 minutes. I got hit on my 6 lil Mexis and 2 old white dudes.
I need a fucking job. I don't KNOW any 30-50 year old couples with kids, dammit.
I'm reaching out... and not touching anything and anyone.
Asian college students play WAY too many video games.
As if we needed more ppl here. Another boy came. So I now live with 5 boys. And none of them are the only fucking boy I wanna be living with! 
Moo is a fucking idiot but I love her so much. Same for her daddy.
I cried over my and Matt's baby again tonight. I don't know why. I haven't cried over it for a month now. Why now? Cuz I feel like I'm losing a part of me once again.
I'm not gonna sacrifice my sanity for Matt Duncan. He's a fucker. I'm gonna try to live with that. I won't bitch so much anymore. Meh. I'd rather he treat me like shit, than leave me. Wow... yeah... I'd rather keep my sanity, than my dignity. Cuz trust me, being in a mental hospital does NOTHING for my self respect. Things'll go his way or I'll lose BOTH. Insane and unable to respect myself. So Matt still wins. But then again, doesn't he always? Yes. Yes he does.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....