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SHIT!!!! Noah's {prolly} a bastard!
September 25, 2003 ~ 2:05 AM
I sent Noah an email last night. Attached to it was every single picture I have of/with Noah. And then I deleted them all from my computer after I sent it to him. Something just occured to me: He prolly has my blocked. Or no, he's prolly got a filter for me. He told me that he was having all of my emails deleted. But that KatLikesStars got in. But he prolly put it on the delete list. So that means all of those pix are gone. What a fucker. Sometimes I hate him so much. He knows he's in love with me. Why can't he juss be my fucking friend. Fucking bastard. He's always talking about how his dad is such a fucker. He should look in the mirror, first, before dissing someone else. Noah's prolly ten times worse than his dad. Cuz he's aware of it. Gah! Dick! Oh well. I think I have all the hard copies in that leopard print box. The thing is scanning them again. Something I can definitely put off.
I went to FLOW again tonight it was hella fun. I didn't see Tif but I did see Rodman and Jarod. And I met some new people. There was this one guy who'd known me back in my party days first quarter last school year. Govind. He freestyles. He's REALLY good. Good guy. He promises not to hit on me again like he was that one drunken night. Lol. Yeah I definitely wanna learn how to DJ. Now the problem is finding someone to teach me. =P
I wonder if I'll take Noah back again. I mean, one day, he's gonna deem me "ready". And what am I gonna do? I know that I'm in love with him. {Matt... you really should stop reading my diary, doll} I won't deny being in love with Noah. But it doesn't mean jack shit to him that I'm in love with him. When it will matter to him, then what? I'm gonna miss Matt so much when I move. EVERYONE knows that I absolutely adore the kid. When I'm gone, Matt'll prolly find someone new. Someone Azn... lol. He's developed an Asian thing like what Andy's got.
I hope Noah is happy. I hope to find him someday. And hold him close. And kiss him. And then stab him in the stomach. Cuz I don't like guns. If you've seen Once Upon A Time In Mexico, you'll know the scene I'm talking about. I've fired a gun before. It sucks. It makes me feel... deadly. And... small. Cuz it hurts my ears and it jumps back and hurts my wrist. Guns suck. If anyone leaks my homocidal plot to the police, I WILL KNOW. I will also delete this entry. And deny EVERYTHING. And talk about how much I love Noah tons. Cuz yeah. You are crazy. You psycho. Why would I ever wanna hurt NOAH? That fucker.
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....