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what i fell in love with
September 25, 2003 ~ 7:38 AM
It's very hard to believe that it's only been ten months and two days. Since I met Noah Dekkers. And I have pix of him uploaded onto here that I need to delete. Can you believe that I fell in love with THIS? I mean... I HATE FACIAL HAIR ON GUYS. 
WITH A PASSION. And yet... ugh. There was juss something about him. I'm glad he eventually shaved. I hated it. The beard. I almost can't believe I fell in love with him. That goes to show how unsuperficial I am deep down inside. I mean, I can appreciate gorgeousness but dude... this is an antithesis! I honestly thought Noah was ugly. I dunno wut I expected. I loved his hair so much, though. With a passion. Straight and soft and thick and just... pettable. Gah! I loved his hair!!! He's gorgeous to me, now. Even though he's now got something else that I hate. A shaved head. Meh. He was perfect for a little while. Lol. Juss he hated shaving. I didn't mind. I loved him regardless. If he had grown out that fucking hippie beard out even more, I still would have loved him just as much and wanted him just as bad. Weird. It's hard for me to believe just cuz... I mean... LOOK at that. Lol. Wow. Now that's love. Love is also... breaking up and staying friends. Well... I mean, we broke up and he realized his love for me... Then he decides I'm not "ready" for him. And he disappears again! Is it really THAT HARD to break up and BE FRIENDS? Maybe he can't take it. Maybe it'll hurt him too much. But if it does, he needs to train himself to get over it. I'm not a fucking yo-yo. I don't like being loved then discarded then loved again. I want to be his friend, dammit. I mean if I can't be his girlfriend and the guy LOVES me, why can't he be my friend? Cuz it hurts to know I EXIST?!?! What? Jeez. He needs to face it that I am alive and well with or without him. {Possibly better without him at times} Me and him need to be friends. And just concentrate on that. Too bad he's a pussy {wait, that's me. wtf does he think he's doin}. If it seems like I'm like bashing Noah... I'm not. I'm a little bitter towards him because he won't be friends with me. I need to take my own advice. I mean, even as I look at the picture, I love him. Sure I thought he was so ugly when I initially saw him, but when I look at the picture now, he looks so cute to me. And grrr the love is just SO present. Makes me smile. I love his smile. I miss it. I miss his laugh and his smell and I'm gonna shut the fuck up now. {Matt... you REALLY should stop reading my diary!!!}
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�MY 5 MOST RECENT ENTRIES�
August 02, 2004 [3:29 AM] - Took the HELL test again...
July 29, 2004 [3:57 AM] - Forgiveness... Meh. Lol
July 28, 2004 [4:54 PM] - Emotional Limbo... *bends over backwards*
July 28, 2004 [1:29 PM] - the miracle of Moo
July 28, 2004 [3:05 AM] - The sound of the ocean....